3 Years and still grieving

Knowing I haven't been blogging for almost the entire year of 2015, Let this blog be the first then of 2016. 3 years after her passing, 3 year since we first met, although it was a brief experience, nevertheless, it was a special one.

Right now, the only thing on my mind, is there are 2 types of people.
One who can forget about past bad experiences and move on, and another which waddles around in their own lonely worlds, trying to forget, but always falling in this deep chasm of sorrow and what it seems a long and sad life. Currently, I feel im the latter. Can hardly focus at work without even remembering her every time I see a couple that seems very mutual, sweet yet still friends. Which quite frankly, it's every damn time I come to work. I can't tell anyone, not prepared to. They'd tell me off im too young, I agree. I was, still am. In a way, it's kinda a predicament. Psychologically damaged.

Even if I trust my lovely ASM, I could never tell. It's not the way as it is. Better off grief on my own, there's no need to share any personal info in my life to her. Making things worse. Management team seemed obnoxious and less friendly towards their employees, and this new partner that joined in last October, though I find her as fitting as Ms. Felicia, she still, until today from November refuses to speak to me. This is just troubling me more so, apparently im only a tool for her, what to do, might as well make myself useful while im still in this shithole.

I need to go sleep now, if she was alive still today, i'd probably be the happiest man alive , the sudden loss of her unbearable. Today I mark it as my 3rd anniversary of our first date together back then. In honour of her, and her monumental love for classy and a lively experience no matter where she would be at, prepping a suit, and try to change my ways, hopefully I will succeed. The only time I see her is in my dreams, and gosh she's an angel. I miss her then, and I will always do. Requiescat in pace, te amor. That's alll for ir now. What a sad morning this is. Hmm.....

It's Going Well, Not really

          After a long wait, a lot of Patience & Time(Destiny Players will understand), i may have fallen in deep regards still with that particular woman whom i met in late February at a Chinese New Year celebration hosted by my dear friend Lionel and his family. Regarding my last post, to break the bonds of acquaintanceship, and usher a more closer and friendlier relationship, perhaps even romance. But not to break the bonds of moral, of course. Regarding that, i may have gotten a worse status. My confession was not really understood that night. Even so, i have manage to contact her through social media, but alas there was no reply, for weeks. I had high hopes.

          Her name shall not be mentioned. Only the fact that she is particularly an animal person, preferably dogs, specifically the big ones, very specifically, Golden Retrievers, and Alaskan Malamutes. Quite frankly, i happen  to be more of a cat person, even then i rarely have any chances meeting a dog that trusts me. My neighbours' dogs are more to guard dogs. Vicious and playful.. They always scare the shit out of me, everytime. Okay pulling away from the Canine and Feline civil war. 

          Well it's been 2 months since i last talked to her in person, also same time i confessed. ouch. In other words, it's painful enough to know you're stupid. Honestly, i love her voice. She can really sing, darn well. Gave me goosebumps. The more "lonely night romantic songs" like "I know Im Not The Only One" by Sam Smith, or "Thinking Out Loud" by Ed Sheeran. Brings a tear to the eye, adding the sensation of light and cheerful. A mellow feeling. Almost felt like doing a duet with her, but i remembered something, i suck with the microphone, unless it's public speaking. But every time Sam Smith's voice comes in, i imagined her singing. Always lovely tune. Powerful, Deep, and meaningful.

          As i am currently typing this blog nearing almost 1 AM Malaysian Time, i am empty, being a barista is awesome and all(aside from the usual human stupidity) but i need to see her again. Adding to my frustration, and misery, recently i just got dumped in the most painful way i can see.. Imagine being close to your high school nemesis, eventually you both matured and became friends. Eventually got close, very close, started dating blah blah blah. AND THEN ONE DAY. YOU HEARD HER SAYING TO HER CRUSH BACK IN HIGH SCHOOL THAT SHE HATES ME. One thing, of all the other things, you could just tell me. But you decide to stab me behind the back and leave me bleeding. Life is great when you're being used. *sarcasm detected*

          All in all, i should have just stayed with the person i met in February. Even if it kills me slowly. That concludes all for now. So, goodbye, and i'll see you starside

         Per Audacia Ad Astra.

          (Through Boldness through the stars)

Opportunity to win or an Opportunity to make myself a fool

Gotta start blogging more often...

 

Anyways, so today(as I am blogging this it's at 6AM in the morning of 27th of June of 2015. So today Lionel, has invited me for a Birthday party today. And I have yet to confirm my availability... But one peculiar person will be coming.. I repeat.. Will be coming. And yes that person is a she..

 

Long story short, from what I know about her.. 15 going 16, animal lover, specificall canines, specifically The Alaskan Malamutes. Responsible, sensible, and An ABSOLUTE KILLER VOICE 😍 . One thing that really reeled me in. As a first impression. A simple girl. With moderate taste. Will not mention her name.. Only the initials. TAL.

So I'm hoping I WILL FINALLY CONFRONT HER . Yes I used confront. Instead of confess.Using confession seems cliché. So ... I might be honoured into a path which I would be very happy with. Or friend zone. Or worse... Strangerzoned. So nervous

Jolene has left the family.

Over the past 6 months I have been working in Starbucks Coffee Company, that's almost half a year.. Manage to get in and be working comfortably with the others . For these 6 months, it was somewhat both thrilling and heart aching experience, from what I learnt so far. If you get attached to someone too much . When they leave you. It hurts.

 

Today marks my 6th month officially as an employee or shall we say barista, and yesterday was my saddest experience so far to be working here. We are a good family, kinda, but it's something. Assholes in the group, they exist, I usually brush themm off as pests. But yesterday my favourite person which I am proud to call my partner .. Has left us, I understand her responsibility to keep moving forward through her education years. But I have grown too attached to her persona.. Always over-reacting. But eventually turns down to that face she always makes... I'm always glad if I was at Drive Thru POS with her as my secondary. Or better as my DTO or my DTR whichever is better... Regardless.

 

Without her I would have quit Starbucks a long time ago... Because I cannot cope with the hypocrites working there, it's highly intoxicating. But I managed, and due to the new noobs joining, it's nice to teach for once. Poor ol' saps can't even tell the different between a latte and a cappuccino. Well that's where I am there to help.

 

Without her, that annoying day I usually would have to due to a fallout with my family members(which happens alot these days) usually she would cheer me up. I look forward everytime I am with the same shift as her.. Even when my least favourite person is there.

 

Without her, working at Starbucks would be. A bit of a bore. Oh the constant teasing. Those moments cherish I will.

 

The fact that she has a boyfriend really is painful. So it's rather complicated at first... Now she's a beneficial friend. For which I will never have the privilege to work with again.

 

Jolene, if you're ever reading this, I thank you for helping me all this while. Even on your last day, you made my day by cheering me up.

Goodbye, my dearest friend. Until we meet again

 

Life as A Barista @ Starbucks

IT HAS BEEN SO LONG SINCE I LAST BLOGGED.. DAMN I'll make it short and simple.. Then, my high school days are done. Now I'm waiting for my results to be released. So at the moment.. Yeah the title says it all.. IM A BARISTA WOOHOO It's been more than a month working @ Starbucks.. In a Drive Thru store. Working full time.. Salary is so worth it. Still uncertain of my future in Starbucks.. I may stop. Or I may continue as a side career.. Working while studying to support my personal financial needs.. Working experience so far is great. New people meeting every day. Seniors are great. Some of em. Others can be a complete ass. Store Manager is nice. Other managers are mixed in nice and total dicks... But benefits as an employee pays off the negativity(most of it) So the job is a blessing.. The only flawed thing is.. Some dickhead seniors and manager.. And my co-worker.. Is cute. Alas, she has a boyfriend.. So that sucks. But I got payed after the month. So that's nice. Would have been nicer if my classmate could join.. Somehow selection is so damn slow... Ignorant bastards

Wasted year

2014 by far is the most disappointing year so far.. As a student who will be leaving this pathetic school once I concluded my business here along with other 300+ students.. And a senior, it's just bloody disappointing, there's no sincere change or any plans that WERE PLANNED LAST YEAR.. BEING BLOODY DEVELOPED OR EXECUTED. And here I would think that senior years are the most memorable ones.. Most crucial and important ones in high school life... Where is it? I don't see the satisfactory of any of this shit. Management of the school was the utmost lousy... Thank you very fucking much to the previous headmistress who wasted our time celebrating your retirement... Get lost and go live elsewhere.. Safe to say good riddance, no more hypocritical nonsense... That problem was a MAJOR problem that affected a majority of our plans.. Setbacks after setbacks, pisses me off. And another thing... My superior who.. God knows how in the world she actually manage to get the position representing the entire student body.. I have told them numerous times.. EVEN IN 20 BLOODY 13 TO PLAN OUT EVERYTHING FOR THE ACTIVITES.. Oh noooooooo we just HAVE to fucking do it at the last minute... Our camp is a bloody mess.. A failure, I'm ashamed to call myself a senior in the Prefect's board of directors... I even planned a dinner event for us and ONLY us.. Along with my faithful apprentice which is my superior.. It would have been well if I had the bloody collaboration with the fucking head prefect.. Seriously is that too much to ask? Just a few minutes of explanation and a yes and finally report to the teacher.. But what did she do? Nothing for the rest of the entire year.. Busy with "perfecting uniforms" the entire governing body is lazy as efffff.. We are supposed to be a Uniformed unit first... Strict and stability is key with attitude to determine such noble characteristics... This could have all been changed and implemented in every bloody blue head's skulls. And may adapt to learn more and respond in kindness and profession I doubt next year's head girl won't do any amazing shit that I have gone through in 2012.. To hell with this school.. I'll be relieved once it's over.. Bastards

Expanding the local Lumia network / Trials

So this is what a form 5 student feels... Extremely lazy to do something with only 5 days to do before trials. The bright side is the amount of people using Lumia is seemingly beginning to grow, from only 4 people I know.. To 14, still alot. Most recent one, was my senior getting her hands on a Lumia 1320 , and asking me for help.. Which I am currently occupied with this crap, thus the privilege to properly 'explore' Windows Phone 8.1 is slim...